This Is My Story: The Mourner’s Bill of Rights

As we walk through the days, weeks, and years following the death of our children, we are often surprised by the tiniest flutters of a memory that reignite all the feelings of loss like they just happened. Last week, I was cleaning out pictures and came across a professionally made Christmas picture of me and my children that I had completely forgotten about. Austin was probably two at the time. I was riding home from a concert a friend and I had performed out of state, and she was driving. I reacted so viscerally to seeing this picture that she almost had to pull over. For the rest of the hours long drive, I kept pulling out my phone and looking at it. I sent it to my daughters and to my closest friend. It’s been more than 20 years since that picture was taken. It’s been twenty years since my son died. Still, that one photo brought back floods of memories.

There is no one right way to grieve, neither is there a wrong way to grieve. Grief looks different for everyone. While some people who have not experienced the same loss as those of us in this series may have their own opinions about what grief should look like, it is important to remember that they have not experienced our loss.

I recently came across this list – The Mourner’s Bill of Rights by Dr. Alan Welfolt, PhD and was a little taken aback by how deeply it resonated with me. I hope it is helpful for you as well.

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. 

 2. You have the right to talk about your grief. 

 3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. 

 4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. 

 5. You have the right to experience “grief bursts.” 

 6. You have the right to make use of ritual. 

 7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. 

 8. You have the right to search for meaning. 

 9. You have the right to treasure your memories. 

 10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. 

*The original post can be found at https://healgrief.org/the-mourners-bill-of-rights/.

Take all the time you need to grieve, my friends. Don’t rush it. Don’t push the grief away. Face it as you feel ready. Talk about it. Share your stories in safe places. Find meaning in your child’s life. Give yourself all the grace you would give your best friend in this situation.

If you know someone who has experienced the loss of a child and would like to share their story, or if you yourself have experienced this loss and would like to be part of this ongoing series, please reach out to me at https://christinamathis.com/contact. I would love to hear from you!

Take care, my friends.