Reflections from One Year Post-Doc: What I Learned during the Doctoral Process, Part 2

Welcome to the second part of my series on lessons I learned during the process of earning a DMA in collaborative piano.  In my last post, I shared two lessons I learned from this time, and today I will share three more. There are so many more lessons I learned, but we’ll save those for a possible future post.

Lesson 3: I got out of the degree exactly what I put into it.  Earning a doctorate didn't automatically make me a phenomenal pianist in every way. Any progress that I made pianistically, I worked for. During the first 3 semesters of my DMA, I worked as a graduate assistant and played for at least 15 students each semester. As part of my assistantship, I played for pretty much everything they needed – rehearsals, lessons with their applied teachers, coachings with my teacher, recitals, and competitions. In addition, I was also enrolled in 9 hours of doctoral level courses, each of which carried varying magnitudes of reading assignments, papers, and of course, research. The G.A. stipend was not anywhere near a livable wage, so I also worked as a pianist for church and taught several K-12 private piano students to supplement my income. 

Because of my background, I was a pro at time management.  The skills that I had developed during those crazily difficult single parenting years were incredibly beneficial in this new stage of my life.  However, I was 20 years younger than during the time I was raising my daughters; so my mental capacity and my energy level had dwindled significantly since that time. Still, I held myself to a high standard. Even when I didn't feel like it, I showed up by 7 a.m. most mornings to practice before starting my day.  I went to every class, and I took copious amounts of notes.

I rehearsed with my collab partners. I taught my students and played for church. There were times in which I was able to pour more into the degree and all that it required than others.

 And without fail, my results reflected my input.

Lesson 4: Aligning with lesson number 3, I learned that the process of earning a doctorate taught me the true meaning of self-care.  As we have all heard, self-care is much more than just bubble baths and pedicures, as amazing as those things are.  For me, self-care looked like setting firm boundaries, taking a realistic look at how much I had on my plate, and forcing myself to let go of everything that was not essential to completing my degree.  Unfortunately, I learned the hard way the result of failing to do this.  About halfway through the doctorate, I had a complete mental breakdown.  This is the point in which I went on antidepressants and really began digging into therapy. It was my therapist who helped me to set boundaries, especially around my time and what I said yes to.  During this time of recovery, I let go of my church job and drastically cut back on my K-12 private teaching.  These were difficult decisions to make because I enjoyed them but letting them go was necessary in order to give myself space to focus fully on completing the doctorate.  Making myself enforce these boundaries was a giant step for me and showed me that I absolutely could set boundaries and that the people in my life would still love me even when I did so.

 Lesson 5:  I learned invaluable lessons on how to show up for my students in the best and in the worst possible ways.  As a strong Enneagram 3, I am a motivator. I thrive on seeing the best in people and happiest when I am encouraging others to be their best selves.

 On the flip side, 3s are also workaholics and tend to be people pleasers. Combine this with all the hoops that advanced degrees require you to jump through, and I was burned out more often than not. Unfortunately, I had some teachers who took advantage of the power that they held.  I refuse to give specific examples. Dwelling on the ways in which I was wronged is ultimately unproductive and toxic.  Therefore, I have chosen to release these memories from my mind and instead remember the lessons that I learned from those experiences. 

The biggest lesson I learned was this: Some people enter your life to show you who you can be, and others enter your life to show you who you do not want to be. 

What I learned and who I learned that I want to be is this:

·      I want to be the teacher who uses my authority to lead my students by example. 

·      I want to use my voice. to build up my students and show them all that they are capable of. 

·      I want to help my students discover their own musical voice and their own unique place in the music world and in turn learn new ways of being and doing.

·      I want to create an environment in my studio and in my classes that is encouraging of differing opinions, even the opinions that I might disagree with, and invite thoughtful dialogue. 

·      I want to create an environment in which my students undoubtedly know that they are loved and supported and that I fully and completely believe in them no matter whether they believe in themselves.

·      I want my students to know that I am learning from them as much as they are learning from me. 

There's a saying that goes something like, “Be who you needed when you were younger.”  I believe that that applies here as well.  I want to be the teacher that I needed.  I'm so thankful that I had more positive influences than negative during this process, and I am choosing to focus on their continued impact and their now friendship.

I am also thankful for the friends that God sent into my life during this time who knew exactly what I was experiencing and were able to encourage me to keep going. These are the friends that I aim to emulate.

I will close by answering a question that I have been asked often over the last year - If you could go back in time, would you go through all you did to get this degree again?

 Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, but I absolutely would.  Of course, there are some things that I would do differently knowing what I know now, but I wouldn't trade the lessons that I learned for anything. 

This degree has been part of God's plan for my life from the beginning, and I am proud of myself for making it a priority. Having a doctorate has opened doors that would not have opened otherwise.  I made connections that I would not have made had I not gone to school.  I have learned about myself, and I have grown as a person and as a pianist; and now I have the job of my dreams because I took that first step to bet on myself.

Thomas Edison once stated: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." Think of this when you want to quit. The most valuable life lessons are often learned through difficulty. Wherever you are in life, whatever situation you may be in, there are lessons to be learned, and you are quite possibly closer to success than you realize.

Until next time, my friends. Take care.